Antinous of the Earth

The last couple of months without update to the blog have been a function of my very busy, real-world life. This is not to say, however, that there haven’t been exciting developments in my online life, especially as relates to Antinous.

The most interesting evolution in my world is that I’ve essentially “come out” as an Antinoan. All of this was precipitated by a rather difficult and transformative 2007, in which many insights were gleaned and a very new Shawn emerged from the emotional wreckage of a spiralling 2006. Although my spiritual journey was for the most part guided by friends, family, and a fantastic therapist, I’d be remiss to leave out that it also involved a small assortment of revelatory moments. And although there was nothing so literal as a personal appearance of the god Antinous himself, I cannot say for certain that I didn’t briefly experience something akin to the Divine. At the very least, I was forced to admit to myself how silly it is to dismiss – from an atheistic viewpoint – the spiritual realm, and I discovered a certain amount of humility in being able to say, “I just don’t know for certain…”

The upshot of all this was that I eventually joined the Ekklesia Antinoou – the Citizenry of Antinous – which is a Yahoo group moderated by a genial fellow named Phillip Bernhardt-House. I’ve mentioned Phillip before on The Sacred Antinous site; he was, in fact, one of the first of the fellows credited with the development of the original Ecclesia Antinoi that played such a large part in inspiring me to create my personal brand of erotic historical fiction (see the Investigations page for more on that). Anyway, it turns out there was a schism in the group about a year ago – something I only “predicted” by virtue of expressing my hope that it would not occur – and Phillip branched off to form his own group.

I have only a vague idea what it was that caused the split; my choice with respect to joining Phillip’s group was simply on account of having established with him a private, intermittent dialogue over the past couple of years, dealing with all kinds of fictional, speculative, and esoteric subject matter.  Thus, his invitation to join was accepted, and, in the course of announcing myself to his small band of seekers, I’ve essentially declared myself to be one of them. I occasionally become agitated at the thought that this public affiliation may one day come back to bite me in the ass – either from a career standpoint or a personal integrity one – but I also realize that such worries are unfounded, for I think I can stand quite solidly in my Antinoan world-view, owing to the fact that much of it is fictionalized, metaphorical, self-generated and, consequently, inviolable. (It seems to me that if everyone were forced to create at least a small part of their personal spiritual beliefs, rather than simply swallowing what was spoon-fed to them, there would be an exceptionally healthy and tolerant religious universe in which we all could travel and get along, no?)

Anyway, all of this is to preface the fact that April 21 marked the observance of the Megala Antinoi, which essentially translates into the “Antinoan Megafest.” As part of its celebrations, members were invited to submit artistic works that celebrated Antinous, and this, obviously, is a realm in which I have no trouble participating. And so I composed a small piece that fits quite happily into the constellation of Psalms, and submitted it to the group. What becomes of it under the auspice of the Ekklesia remains to be seen, but on The Sacred Antinous site it will take its place as one of the first of the Psalms that demonstrates a somewhat anachronistic bent. This is a good thing, for it begins to integrate the site into a much larger project that will eventually encompass much, if not all, of my artistic practice. More on that (I hope) in a few years…

In the meantime, the poem has been posted as Psalm 012 – Antinous of the Earth. I hope you enjoy it.